Self-Help Articles for Stress, Depression, Anxiety, Anger, Counseling, CBT and REBT. Info on herbs and herbal natural remedies, therapy worksheets. > How to Avoid Getting UPSET






Upset feelings, including anger, anxiety, stress, and depression, are usually caused by the way we are thinking about what is happening, not the events themselves. To change your feelings (and your behavior), try the following exchange vocabulary.

When you first try this new way of thinking, it might not feel right. The more you do it, however, the more natural these realistic beliefs will become.
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Recommended CBT & REBT Self-Help Books

Give it a fair try though.  Practice, practice, practice.  Listen in to your self-talk.

Instead of thinking: Try thinking:

must---------            prefer


should ------            it is desirable


have to------            choose to


need --------            want


can't --------            choose not to


ought-------             had better


never -------            rarely


all -----------             many


always------             often


can't stand---          don't like


awful----------           highly undesirable


bad person ---         bad behavior


I am a failure---        I failed at

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Here are some examples:

I have to do well.            I want to do well.


You shouldn't do that.   I prefer you not do that.

 
You never help me.       You rarely help me.


I can t stand my job.      I don t like my job.


You are a bad boy.       That behavior is undesirable.

 
I m a loser.                    I failed at this one task.


I need love.                   I want love, but don t need it.

  --------------------------------------------------------------
From the SMART Recovery Members' Manual
Section III, Problem Solving 
www.smartrecovery.org
--------------------------------------------------------------
EXCHANGE VOCABULARY
By: Robert F. Sarmiento, Ph.D.

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