by Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach

Why are the nursery colors pastel, wrote Edna St. Vincent Millay, the poetess. Better they should be red and yellow because that's the intense emotional world children live in. When an adverse event happens in their life, they may not understand it cognitively, and may not show it in a way that you can tell, but children feel the loss of friends, pets, loved ones, the stress of moves and having a new sibling, the pain of divorce, and other life events.

"Prayer to Persephone" by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Be to her, Persephone, All the things I might not be; Take her head upon your knee. She that was so proud and wild, Flippant, arrogant and free, She that had no need of me, Is a little lonely child Lost in Hell-Persephone, Take her head upon your knee; Say to her, "My dear, my dear, It is not so dreadful here".

[You'll recall from your mythology that Persephone was the goddess of the Underworld, wife of Pluto (or Hades).]

Children do get lonely, sad and angry, but they don't always show it the way an adult would. As you can see in the poem, this child was "wild," "arrogant," and "flippant." These are active states; none of that curling up in bed, sighing and sleeping all the time. But this is true for some adults as well. Keep learning about depression-it's increasing, and it isn't what you think it is.

Emotional disorders are widespread, and affect all age groups, children included, depression included. Contrary to the Disney view of childhood, it isn't all carefree and happy.

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR CHILD IS DEPRESSED?

According to psychologists Sam Goldstein, Ph.D., and Barbara Ingersoll, Ph.D., in their article, "Lonely, Sad and Angry: How to Know if Your Child is Depressed and What to Do," typical symptoms in depressed children include sadness or irritability, low self-esteem, and loss of interest in previously pleasurable activities."

They describe depression as a "whole-body illness." i.e., it doesn't just involve changes in mood, but affects sleep, appetite, general health and performance. One sign may be complaining of vague physical symptoms like a stomachache, that's hard to pin down, or not having their usual energy (enthusiasm).

Depression also affects children's ability to think and concentrate (just as in adults), so school performance often decreases, grades go down, and irritability can cause behavior problems. Or they become withdrawn and start dropping friendships and the isolation makes the depression worse.

Another clue you'll have is that the child becomes difficult to be around, affecting family life. They may cry a lot, or whine, or be argumentative and irritable, whereas formerly they were easy-going and pleasant.

Depression affects how the child thinks, feels, looks, and behaves. That's what "whole-body" means.

Facial expression can be glum, or mask-like, or sullen and provocative. (I think of the face of the little boy on the original "War" album.)

At no time-either childhood or teen years-are moodiness, poor self-esteem and school failure to be considered "normal." Be attentive and notice changes such as these, and dare to seek treatment.

DEPRESSION IN CHILDREN IS RISING

The statistics on childhood depression are alarming. According to Ingersoll and Goldstein, "during a year's time, 8-9% of children between the ages of 10 and 13 suffer from an episode of depression. As startling as these figures are, it is likely that they reflect only the tip of the iceberg, since the incidence of depression in young people appears to be on the rise in our society."

According to studies, the authors say, people under 40 are three times more likely to suffer from a depressive illness than those over 40. Within the under 40 group, the lower the age, the higher the risk of a depressive illness.

Keep in mind, as you read these statistics, that it is therefore also not "normal" for a senior to be depressed. When you suspect depression-in yourself or in a loved one-seek diagnosis.

THE CAUSES OF DEPRESSION

As I cover in my book, "Depression: The Need to Go Within," brain science contains to make a compelling case that depression is a combination of problems with neurotransmitters (chemical messengers in the brain), genetic vulnerability, and stressful life events.

How does this work? A child may be born genetically predisposed to depression, but suffer no adverse events, and it never shows up. Or a child can be relatively non-depressive, but suffer some traumatic event -one major or several smaller in succession-and manifest the symptoms. It also follows that those at most risk are those with genetic disposition (as shown in family history) who then suffer stressful or negative events.

Adverse events would include divorce of parents, death of parent or sibling, many moves without sufficient support, extreme poverty, family violence, malnutrition, hospitalization, and others.

DARE TO DO SOMETHING

We can no longer ignore the presence of depression, so there isn't the same stigma to being diagnosed. As the parent, the one who cares, know your child's personality, and watch for variations. If an adverse event occurs, know how to support your child through it, and be watching for change.

If you notice symptoms, start by checking you're your child's pediatrician. They can start the process and refer you where needed for proper diagnosis and treatment.

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE BUILDS RESILIENCE

Also learn what you can about Emotional Intelligence to increase your own Resilience (against adversity) and therefore your child's. Developing your Emotional Intelligence is always beneficial-to both you and your child.

© Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, The EQ Coach, http://www.susandunn.cc . Individual and business coaching, EQ coach training, the EQ eBook Library ( http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html ). Susan is the author of "Developing Your Child's Emotional Intelligence," and "Depression: The Need to Go Within." Mailto:sdunn@susandunn.cc for FREE eZine.