The more you can learn and understand anger and its origins, the better prepared
you'll be when a situation arises and you begin to feel angry.
Anger is NOT chemically produced in the brain, has little to do with physiology, diet, and even genetics. Even in a situation where strong genetic ties exist, anger can be minimized.
Learn each of the following and adhere to them. They are the facts about anger.
1. You're not upsetting me -- I am. No one can disturb me emotionally unless I talk myself into it.
2. If I give up my demandingness, I'll never get enraged again.
3. Not getting what I want is only uncomfortable and inconvenient; and I can stand it.
4. Failing to get my way is not horrible, awful, or the end of the world.
5. You are not evil, bad or a worthless person for frustrating me. You are a fallible human being and have a right to be wrong.
6. Being frustrated is bad enough -- why should I make things even worse by getting mad?
7. I'm not a child; I'm an adult and don't need to have my way all the time.
It is common to be upset if you feel you are being unfairly accused of something. You want to keep your upset from turning to anger and rage. In order to do this, ask yourself three questions:
1. Is this statement true? Do I agree that the behavior in question is undesirable?
(If yes, say, "Thank you" and try not to repeat these actions.)
2. If the statement is true but you don't believe that you were wrong to behave as you did, then ignore the accusations.
3. Is the statement false? If so, consider that the accuser is wrong, upset, or immature, and accept that he or she has a right to an opinion different from yours. After a brief response, agree to disagree.
Want more information on anger? The American Psychological Association (APA) has a thorough and easy-to-follow web page on anger management at: www.apa.org/pubinfo/anger.html
<< Back to Anger Management Online Counseling for Anger >>
From Paul Hauck. From REBT Resource Book for Practitioners. http://www.rebt.org/
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Learn more below about psychotherapy and Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) and how it can help you with Anger Management.
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